covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
