I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
