i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Randomize
