i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
