Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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