These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
