Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
