I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
