marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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