Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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