Need sex. Gaining weight.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
