So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
dude i'm inner monologue high
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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