Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We left an ass print on the piano.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
