and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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