My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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