I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
