did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
