I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
