Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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