Just fell off a train. Bad.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
