absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
