bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
