she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
