Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
