If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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