He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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