I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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