"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
