I need help removing her.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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