Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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