What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
