I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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