i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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