i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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