I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
