If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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