Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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