Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
