please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
