Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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