I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
