I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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