Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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