she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
