When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
