It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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