Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
