My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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