my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
