theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
