"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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