That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
