Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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