i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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