at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
