I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
