shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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